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Em Hotep all, I am Noxious, Nox for short as that is my Vampyre name. Just wanted to say hello and introduce myself, I'm 16-17, and an awakened vampyre, I also identify with the Asetian belief. I have studied the occult for 5 years now, I have learnt Wicca, Paganism, Witchcraft, Luciferianism, Theistic Satanism, Dark Paganism and Kemeticism including Asetianism. I hope to meet you all. Darkest Blessings children of the night.
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I have been thinking, and mostly what helped was a vampire's You Tube post. He spoke of being able to take energy. I can. He talked about always being hungry and over eating as a result. I've been feeding from someone and I don't have that hunger anymore. I finally will be able to be thin now that I know food can't fill that gaping hole I feel.I've consumed human food once today, fed on psi energy twice, and I'm great! Never felt better! Now to find donors.
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This the way I see it period - I have been with mostly woman but also men and I believe people are too caught up in homosexual or heterosexual. I personally believe all people as well as animals are born bi-sexual not gay or straight. In nature you see male animals going after others of the same gender unfortunately female animals have a more difficult time figuring out how to get too intimate with each other but you still see them being affectionate in other ways esp. cats. My male cats have always been very loving with me but unfortunately most humans are mostly too stuck up and fearful of being labeled gay to be affectionate to the same sex. My wife and I are Poly-amorous which means we love many and have much love to give no matter what gender they may happen to be. I do not use such labels as gay or strait in fact I hate such things as they limit you way too much. People are with there other be them male or female generally because it feels right and they love the other person - which is how is should be. you should be with someone because you love them only - not because other people say its right, that's way it has to be/should be, or because your one of us. Relationships should only be about love; not doing what other people claim is right! I suggest watching the movie "chasing Amy"...
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People always like Vampyre romance but it always seems to be the human or other (usually non Vampyre) who pussifies the Vampyre. Love ruins everything unless they don't try to control you and change you. Human relationships suck - never get into a romantic relationship with your donors; friends are good for obvious reasons but never fall in love with them (there are a few exceptions but most never understand us)...
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Update: I got a brand new mobile phone for my B-day and now have unlimited text so now anyone can feel free to text me even if you aren't on Verizon but I can still only answer most calls who are not on Verizon after 9pm EST but I can call anyone on Verizon whenever. Thank Goddess I got a keyboard for unlimited texting LOL - My phone is 740-816-7159
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I'm debating on going back underground where I belong and leaving the OVC again. I have been kicked out of a group and I don't understand for what? I thought I was getting stronger and better but I'm thinking its hopeless anymore. I'm at a loss and what is the point anymore? I have nothing left? Why am I even online anymore? because there is nothing online but now there's nothing at all. TempleUVUP is all I have going for me and it seems to be dying out before it reaches 9 years online. I don't get how? People bitch about me being a whiny little cry baby but I guess I just don't get where people get there ideas I guess no one will ever get me and I don't try to offend people I just don't understand? WTF??? I guess I don't need people and will never understand. I was doing so well on handling my depression, bipolar (mood swings), my Anxiety, (high blood sugar causes mood swings), OCD, and thyroid condition which I struggle with every day. Its just fucked up it took one certain instance of being labeled as someone who harasses people. I have never harassed anyone and I am back to letting my emotions run my life but I guess that is my curse. I fucking hate being in this human mess!
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Greetings, and Dark Blessings to all. I am new to the Temple. So please be patient with me as I acquaint myself to navigate the site.
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I too am a vegetarian, for the most part. I was glad to read the Rev. JP is one as well. The case being that many in the VC, speak so often about eating steak and the like. It is my believe that to waste food is a great error. There are many who are starving. Likewise I uphold the need to respect Nature our home. I believe that if we do not She/Nature would turn on us. In fact, by doing so, to not be responsible for planet Earth, we ourselves destroy our dwelling place.
This topics form part of the tenets or sins of the Temple. I read them and uphold these beliefs to be worthwhile.
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The dilemma of being a Vegetarian and the sin of waste?
I consider myself a vegetarian as I choose not to eat meat of buys slaughters meat, fur, or leather for personal beliefs. However I am also a severe diabetic and my blood sugars are not under the best control so my Dr. wants to make sure I eat right so he subscribed me meals on wheels. The problem with this is they do not offer vegetarian meals and I am given meat on a daily basis; I could offer those meals to someone who is not as strict a vegetarian as me but I am supposed to eat the meal to keep my blood sugar levels under control and I do not have many people I talk to around here. Also waste is a major sin (the first sin) in my person belief system esp something that died in vain and wasting its death is disrespectful.
Also I love respect my mom as she is last relative I have left I have a close relationship with and she often cooks me healthy meals and even lets me take most of the leftovers home since we do not make lot of money. I feel it would be disrespectful to her to refuse to eat her home cooking and I have too big of a heart to hurt her as she is very sensitive. I suppose under certain circumstances such as these since I did not pay for the dead meat and support the death of the animal and wasting its death is worse of a sin in my belief I can make exceptions to my diet? Perhaps the same could be said when one goes to community meals and food pantries?
Vampyrian Ethics and list of major Sin’s
1. You should not WASTE or disregard (food - resources): A Vampyr should not waste what he is given or treat what he is given in a disrespectful manner. He or she should honor what they are given and give appreciation for it…
2. You should not murder with out a legitimate reason (like food): Killing is waste and a crime if not for food or punishment of murder…
3. You should not STEAL from KIN or family (stealing from others should be for necessities): Again stealing is against the law and is a violation of the place in which we reside…
4. You should not HARM KIN, Life Force Givers (Donors), or the innocent with out a legitimate reason: We must be respectful of those around us unless they first harm us…
5. You should not PUSH you beliefs or anything on others: We are all free to believe as we wish…
6. You should not HARM or Destroy nature with out a legitimate reason or the natural balance of life: We must respect the World we live in and respect the natural resources we are given…
***I am not recommending that we break the human laws as that would bring our community down and that is for the area in which you live legal system to do. We must respect this world in which we reside…
© Rev. J P Vanir
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Greetings, and it is a pleasure and honor to be back in the Temple ~
M.Kelley Hunter is the author of this work, and she is my favorite Lilith Astrologer. Everyone who is drawn to the Dark Goddess realizes that Astrology, Tarot and the Tree of Life , which is actually Lilith's Tree ~ cannot be separated, as they form an integral magickal system.
An incomplete knowledge of Astrology , particularly in relation to the placement of Planets and other heavenly bodies on the natal chart, can compromise one's magickal work..
By studying the past, and comparing it to the present, one can divine the future to a certain extent.
To find out more, visit http://kellhunter@earthlink.net
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The FULL MOON in GEMINI-SAGITTARIUS on June 4 (7:12am EDT, 12:12pm GDM) is a partial eclipse that follows that special Ring of Fire eclipse two weeks earlier on May 20.
Have you stretched your butterfly wings? Butterflies flutter by, but many are also capable of long trans-oceanic flights—that's endurance! With the Full Moon in Sag, long distances are called for, be they journeys around the world, of the imagination or toward new horizons. We cross boundaries, whether of borders, mental concepts or belief systems.
On May 20, the gong of a Tibetan bell announced the eclipse moment, as well as the opening of a social gathering at Barefoot Buddha, a community hub as well as a great cafe and health restaurant. A lot of "movers and shakers" were there to fundraise for our local Family Services agency, as well as to celebrate the budding organic farming movement in the Virgin Islands. We feasted on great food almost entirely grown by these farmers: a green salad included three types of kale, arugula, cranberry hibiscus leaves and highly nutritious leaves from the Maringa tree. My favorite treat was roasted kale chips with plantains, stuffed banana peppers. Many more tasty treats included fresh lobster and local fish for non-vegetarians. We met the farmers and discussed ways to support these few committed growers beyond government apathy, with the goal of self-sufficiency for these remote islands, off in the leeward corner of the Caribbean. The heart connecting, information sharing and networking opened new options and possibilities, a veritable mind-bank of revolutionary will.
There were so many other special social gatherings around the globe, including eclipse parties in Asia and the US West. Whatever you were doing on that New Moon opens wider in the light of this Full Moon, and turns more surely in a new direction. The party continues with Mercury and Venus, both in Gemini. There is so much networking going on, the phone lines, cell phone towers and internet are buzzing! This will turn into a domino effect, as one piece of information leads to another, connecting us with information and people needed to make our next move.
Another event I attended was the United Astrology Congress, an international meeting of over 1200 astro-friendly folk, from the professional to the curious. It was informative and fun, taking the world of astrology to a new level via media attention. Planet Waves reporter Eric Francis conducted ongoing interviews all week. Scroll down to my interview about Lilith at
http://planetwaves.net/pagetwo/?p=57352. By they way, I was in that Venus flash mob in his photo, but you can't see me.
A producer and camera man were filming astrologers for a TV astrology show pilot and, most important, USA Today and CNN both reported on the final panel of 5 well-regarded astrologers who all agreed that Barack Obama would win the 2012 Presidential election. A similar panel in 2008 was 100% correct!
So! on to this Full Moon eclipse energy which shifts things into even more new perspectives, some beyond our imagination. The Dragon eats the Moon, according to some cultures, but the Dragon has got to poop it out again! (A little humor here, a la make lemons into lemonade or more to the point, making sticky pollens into honey.) And this is not just about networking and new perspectives. This is an ACTION eclipse— MARS is smack dab in-between the Sun and Moon and, even more closely dancing a spicy tango with VENUS, the "star" of the show.
For the very next day, the rare Venus transit shows us
VENUS IN THE HEART OF THE SUN. Every 8 years for about 120 years, Venus is retrograde in Gemini. The last time was in 2004 when, for the first time in about 120 years, Venus passed across the face of the Sun from our point of view. It happens again this year, and this will be the last time for over a century. This special event only takes a few moments, and you need daylight to see it. The US East coast will be dark, at around 9:10pm EDT. Again eastern Asia, the Pacific and the western US wins out, as it did for the New Moon eclipse. Get out your solar filters!
We can all celebrate and tune in at a heart level. We can imagine the Biblical "woman clothed with the Sun," the glory of the goddess haloed in the Sun's shine. If you are not mythic-minded, feel the Sun gold of your heart light radiate in resonance with what is most lovely, delightful, fulfilling, joyful, beautiful, satisfying, sweet, rewarding, valuable, happy-making in your life. Appreciate loved ones, the beauties of life. Gratitude and appreciation, even for small things, are more powerful emotions than we often think.
This Venus transit in Gemini keeps the "good, good, good, good vibrations" of the eclipses going strong, opening the pathway for love to infuse our lives with well-being. I think of all Venus retrograde cycles (5 such cycles in 8 years) as an opportunity to "upgrade" our emotional well-being and joy quotient. This retrograde takes place in the Gemini sector in your chart. Every 8 years, the goddess calling you in: "Let's talk. Things can be better here. Feel it, make it so." As I wrote last time, if you look back (if you can remember!) to May-June 2004, 1996, 1988, 1980, 1972, etc. etc. you may find a repeating theme. Just to consider what was going on at those times, and feel the difference of where you are now. [See Venus Astro special below}
As Venus "rules" money and value (and the value of money), I feel that this can be a financial reset, that if we each do our consciousness work to really invite in what is for the highest good, we can energetically make a huge difference. It's like voting with our happiness button! Shine yours up. I don't mean this in a superficial way; I mean it in a radiant way, that you shine your light. We can bring it to the next level. This may mean dissatisfaction with certain aspects of current culture, like printers that don't work, or consumerized strip malls that blight the landscape with ways to spend your money. Or relationships that no longer resonate. Venus turns direct on June 27, after which we have another month to really integrate and share what we intend to do about what we are feeling.
Meanwhile this eclipse brings Mercury into a fine alignment with Saturn, furthering the conversations, bringing many voices together to share ideas. New options are discovered that offer workable solutions that promise progress. Check out any TEDx gatherings in your area, where local leading edge thinkers open dialogue in a forum that just bursts with great networking opportunities.
The end of June is quite juicy, and I'll write more about that for the JUNE 19 NEW MOON. But I must give you a heads up about this date: on the 23-24th, Uranus and Pluto form their first exact square for a revolutionary power initiative. This is the first of several as this dynamic duo "kicks butt" well into 2015. No time to slouch. Keywords are UNITY as we, the people, rise to the cosmic call for transformation and take it into our hands. We each have our particular, authentic response to this call.
An eclipse is indicated by the NODES of the MOON, also known as the Head and Tail of the Dragon of Destiny. For this eclipse, they still in a turning point dynamic with CHIRON-NEPTUNE in PISCES, especially Neptune, just turning retrograde on this very day. We need great mutability in these days, as in "go with the flow." We'll get a chance to catch our breath, like sea turtles or dolphins come up for air.
Our faith may be tested. I started writing this in the Miami airport, where the weather caused delays and cancellations. C'est la vie. I experienced only a hour or two of delay, but many people had been here for hours to find their planes cancelled. They gave up or rebooked, then to wait for the storm to pass. In these circumstances, if we can keep our good humor and smile at people, it can feel like a big party. Is it all "meant to be?"
In just a few days (the 11th), Jupiter moves into Gemini, for the next 12 months. The party of connectivity moves along; the domino effect amplifies. Venus and Jupiter will reunite in the morning sky, forwarding the domino effect. What a game. Gemini doesn't take it too seriously. The call of the eclipse is to find our direction and keep our course steady, not get too scattered, not be buffeted by just any wind or passing point view or flavor of the day.
Aim your Sagittarian arrow from the heart and tell the tale, share the pearls of wisdom, the visions, the dreams that come to you. Let's put them all in a big pot and stir them up and see what we come up with.
ASTRO-SPECIAL for the VENUS TRANSIT—Let's look at the goddess calls you to re-evaluate. We'll focus on this Gemini section of your chart. It doesn't matter whether you have planets there or not. We will follow the trail in your chart to glean the meaning in the larger context of what is going on. 30 minutes special, $75 (with MP3 download, +$5 for mailed CD). Starting June 8 for the rest of the month.
SOON TO COME: More audio presentations and discussion opportunities. Stay tuned.
KELLEY's TRAVELS
VERMONT
July 20-22 weekend workshop at DREAMING MOUNTAIN RETREAT CENTER in East Johnson, Vermont. A creatively exploratory weekend combining Astrology with Kelley Hunter and Creative Source Painting with Susan Green. More info to come. Start your investigation at www.dreamingmountain.com
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The Lunar eclipse tonight 4/6/2012, offers the rare chance to see a cosmic manifestation of Goddess Ereshkigal, Queen of the Underworld, and Dark Sister of the Goddess Inanna, also known as Venus and Aphrodite.
Ereshkigal is also known as Al'lat, the Arabian Great Goddess. Al'lat is also known as Aleilat, and the Arabian peoples once recognised two sides to every Deity; one Dark, and one Light.
This meant that every Goddess and God has a masculine and feminine polarity, which intermingle constantly in different proportions to create Life. As Death is a temporary phase , or spoke, in the infinite Wheel of Life, Death was never feared , in fact, Death is celebrated as the beginning of the greatest adventure of a lifetime.
If you stay in the center,
and embrace Death with your
whole heart,
you will endure forever"
~ Lao Tsu
This Eclipse of the Moon precedes the once every 120 year Transit of Venus, as the red planet of Love and Death passes in front of the sun. One could use the opportunity to utilize these energies to effect a transformation on various levels within, at this time.
Although Venus and Aphrodite have been considered by many since classical times as purely the Love Goddess; in ancient times, our ancestors viewed the Goddess Inanna/Venus as the younger Sister of Lilith, the great-ancestress of all Serpent and Bird Goddesses.
Lilith is the Great Goddess of Death and Love, and although the Goddess has many Names, over the millennia, the Death Goddess has carried on doing what is Natural, despite any temporary patriarchal interferences .
"Just realise where you come from;
this is the essence of Wisdom"
~ Lao Tsu, Taoist Mystic and Spiritual Master
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Well nothing really has happened in the last week since my last blog.
Other than my mum and Tia wanting to throw me a good bye party. Decided to have it at my Nana's apartment complex because there are grills, picnic benches, pool and we can use Nana's fridge to cool stuff while we get the coolers and ice.
As far as food mum said whatever is on sale. So I'm guessing either hamburgers and hotdogs or carne asada and pollo asada.
Personally I don't really care as long as I get to make puff pastries. Weeee! I'm prolly gonna make the pastry cream the night before that way it'll be set and ready for piping once the puff pastry shells are cool.
Aside from that I went to Old Town yesterday with Moose. We went to the (in)Famous Whaley House. I took a shit ton of pictures with my digital camera. It was pretty awesome to see how people lived in San Diego, CA about 100 or so years ago.
I was totally in love with the tea sets and china that was in the house.
There were only two "rooms" in the house that I felt uncomfortable being near since we weren't allowed inside the rooms. It was the study and one of the bedrooms for the girls. Aside from that there wasn't much else other than feeling slightly claustrophobic because the house (despite being called a Manor) was really tiny and there was a good hand full of people in there as well.
As far as it being haunted I'm pretty sure that it's been so long that the Whaley's spirits have just faded into time as most spirits of really old haunted houses.
All in all it was a good time, cheap admission. For both me and Moose it was an even 12$. Slightly informative and just great for having a good time.
Then after the Whaley house we went to a small cemetery that about a block or so away. We took pictures of the graves and chilled for a bit.
After that we hiked back up to Moose's car and stopped by some old Victorian houses. And fuuuuu they were beautiful. Amazing works of architecture of the time. Then she and I talked about getting a few more friends and going to buy a few acres of land out in the forest and have ourselves a little Victorian style village.
That's when I started getting hungry. We first went to Denny's but the waitress took forever (I think she forgot about us) and then we went to In-n-Out (I'm so gonna miss their burgers when I'm out in PA) where Moose got a milk shake and I got a burger. Then she decided to go to Mc(Whities)Donalds so we could plug in my laptop to look at the pictures we took. But alas when we got there were no outlets. So I got a soda and she got a burger. We chilled for a bit more and then dropped me off.
I finished reviewing my pictures that I took and was a bit sad to see some of them came out blurry because my camera was autofocusing. But the majority of them came out awesome. The only anomalies in the pictures were mostly reflections of myself, Moose or other people as well as light reflecting off the glass that keeps the rooms in pristine condition and light reflecting off shiny surfaces from the light, camera flash and other cameras.
That was a major bummer but still I got great photos.
Also Owner got a new case for my iPoot which is so awesome and three of the new Tama-Go Tamagotchis. I'm having so much fun with just one. (Long story short the screwdriver I used to unscrew the green one now won't unscrew the blue or white ones its just weird).
Anyways I guess that's about it for now.
Until next time my deviously deviant fishies.
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So I haven't really written anything since my last blog.
I'm starting to really struggle with myself because bits and pieces of myself have been coming into light and right now I can't handle it right now.
Right now I'm in a family that treasures normality. Even having my snake bites is considered "not normal". I've been able to hide most of my deviant nature and my general abnormal-ness but as of late, like I said bits and pieces are coming through my almost perfect facade and now I can't handle it.
I don't know what to really do because I've never had to deal with having to suppress what I already have suppressed to no end.
I dunno maybe like always I'm over analyzing shit and just need to calm the fuck down. Bleh.
Anyways.
My grades for the semester were:
B-Baking
A-Basic Skills
A-Pastry Design
C-Cultural Foods
and a GPA Of 3.2
So that was good. Makes me proud of myself for doing the best I could.
Which reminds me a few nights ago I made some chili that was based on a copy cat recipe for Wendy's Chili and I tuna-fied it and man was it fucking delicious!
The recipe was only for one serving so me and Mum doubled it and only gave us half a pot so next time we make it we have to quadruple it because it was gone in a few hours of it being made and I barely got a taste of my chili. But what I did manage to taste was fucking delicious!
Don't worry I'll write down the recipe later and share with all you deviant lovelies. (Though I didn't follow the recipe so everything will be in pinches or to taste)
I'm actually growing a bit confident with my cooking skills so that when I'm finally living with Owner I can help his mom and dad cook and that'll be awesome. I also talked to Owner about starting our own Organic garden (more for me since he's not big on veggies and fruit) and just because I feel it'd help round me out and keep me busy while he's at work.
I also want to start baking a lot more as well. Not so much cakes but pastries like cream puffs, puff pastries like the ones I have on my G+ and Facebook albums. I've even gotten requests from Owner's dad and some of his friends for birthday cakes when I get out there. So that's gonna be tons of fun.
Which reminds me, Owner's got of a lot of fun stuff for us to do this summer. Which is mainly comprised of swimming either at the YMCA, the creek or if we're lucky at Kevin's sister's house in her pool. Then will be ghost hunting (on Owner's days off), he and some of his friends will also be helping me with my writing (as my personal editors and helpers), also plan on catching up with Doctor Who, watching Buffy (the entire series because there's a few episodes I've missed), Angel, Supernatural, and a few other shows I can't remember off the top of my head. Then of course Owner wants to have a "Nic Cage Movie Night" where we watch all of Nic Cage's horrible movies.
Then we have a huge surprise for the world which will be unveiled soon. So keep a close eye on my blogs because I'll be giving out hints and the like once I'm out in PA. Also be ready for twitter, facebook and Tumblr, and maybe even a G+ page for it. But right now it's a hush hush because we don't want anyone stealing our idea before we have ours finalized. It's in the production stages. :3
Aside from that thing's have been getting more tense here at home. It's getting so bad that I've actually taken to locking myself in my room with only my laptop and cell phone to help me communicate with the outside world. Yeh its that bad but I really don't feel like talking about it.
I've also noticed that since I've come off my birth control I've been a lot more squeamish to somethings that used to not bother me. It bugs me. I've also started to act a lot more girly too. Such as wanting to host dinner parties, tea parties, and little things and blah blah. I dunno it bugs me because I used to be more or less a tom boy. I never had any reason to learn how to cook, bake, or host little parties where everyone had to be on their best behavior and little bullshit things like that. And now that's pretty much how I am and its like EW ITS NOT ME!!! But yeh. There's really not much I can do about it so I might as well embrace it.
I can't wait til Friday. Moose is gonna tuna-nap me again. We still gotta work out time and stuff especially since her parents truck has been breaking down a lot and we have to stay relatively close in case the truck does break down.
Anyways I think that's about it for now. Dunno the next time I'll feel like blogging but please keep an eye out if not you can always follow:
Mah Tunah Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/DrTunahCatfish
Mah Tunah facebook: http://www.facebook.com/tunacatfish
Mah Tunah G+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/109532255117395767700/posts//p/pub
Mah Tunah Tumblr: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/drtunahcatfish
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"Christian Zombie Vampires" God the Father - the Father of Nothing...
*God controls and owns your soul like a Voodoo practitioner and controls there actions as he sucks there soul dry like the Matrix feeding on his followers!!!*
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Wow. It's been about two weeks since my last blog post. I was caught up with finals and ensuing bullshit at home.
Nothing much really going on. Mostly been dealing with a messed up sleep cycle. Haven't been able to get to sleep until after 3-4am lately. Been feeling really crappy and the migraines have been getting worse too. I hate being out during the day time now. I get migraine like pain and I feel almost nauseous.
Other than that I've had been trying to write multiple fan fictions as well as some original fictions. I read a few negative comments about some of my fics and that has completely drained me of the will to write. Which kinda sucks because I really wanted to finish these stories fairly soon to start work on other ideas but that looks like its not gonna happen.
I'd ask for people who were interested in sneak peeks and willing to help with corrections and stuff but I realize people have all their busy schedules and such and have a real life and couldn't possibly be bothered by reading shitty writing when they have to deal with it on a day to day basis.
Wow. It's gotten so bad I don't know what else to write about here. How lame.
Yay major depression setting in.
Listening to: The 69 Eyes - Dance D'Amour
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New York and Jersey Sucks but BlutEngel Rocked my world:
I was anticipating the concert forever it seemed but I am I am actually surprisingly relieved to be back in the boring BUT panic free state of Ohio. Although the trip though state of Pennsylvania was long as hell, the trip through part of the shit of a state that is New Jersey sucked even worse, being in New York cause me many (many) Panic attacks, and there were a very (very) few let downs in the concerts - IT WAS SO MAJORLY WORTH THE IT! I have not been to hardly very many good concerts if many concerts but this one had to be the best I have ever been to! I went with my wife Amanda (Lady Aromaura), my good friend Julie Eberhart, and Tim Hinkle.
Pennsylvania was a very long but lovely state full of many, many nice trees and scenery! I have never been through the east coast at all but I will probably go back through the shit hole that is New Jersey or go to NYC ever again if I can help it. I couldn’t even take a RR stop in Jersey because the gas station was locked up and this was around 3pm? Then we finally got to NY and getting through the Holland Tunnel was less than fun but memorable. I know next time I won’t book my hotel with Orbits but directly with the hotel because hotel Pennsylvania charged me an extra 267 something for god knows what; Orbits also did not let them know I canceled my extra day a month in advance! I swear they better get this issue fixed and fast!
NYC was way too crowded and chaotic for my Anxiety issues; I am actually surprised I survived the trip myself. I was so glad to get out of that city and BlutEngel is most likely the only band I will ever do that for. When we arrived at the concert Rebel had a very strange way of disorganizing the ticket line combining the regular admission and the VIP ticket holders and even though I was VIP at first I ended up at the end of the line? The VIPs where supposed to get in the concert at 8pm but they didn’t split up the line until almost 9pm. I purchased 2 VIP tickets and 1 regular admission Tim bought off me but they only had me on the list as having 1 VIP and 1 regular admission (which I bought first and then the other VIP later) for some reason? The admission Lady was very understandable about the mistake and figured it out in decent pretty quickly. I just felt bad about holding up the line. But we got in and the staff was very nice and helpful with everything.
Chris Pohl was not feeling well before the show unfortunately so we had to wait until after the show to get our signed posters and meet the band but it was good he could rest up before the show so he could put on a good one. The lady at the bar did not know how to make the blood bath drink and I didn’t bring the recipe but that was ok because I told her how to put together a Red Death and damn she made it strong which is good since they were 10 dollars each for both of our RD’s. I finished my drink quickly as usual (I can never seem to milk a red death, lol) and Amanda needed me to finish hers so I was a bit tipsy while dancing before the concert but I was told by Lady Azraelina as well as my Amanda I danced very well and had great rhythm still. The DJs the I heard all did great sets and I was thrilled to hear Christian Death, The Cure and other old school Goth I never hear anymore in Columbus! I just wish I had more room to do my full dance.
The concert took forever to start and my legs hurt before it even started but it was a wonderful show even though there was no blood shower and only 2 of the girls came to the US show. Miss Construction did a great set and his outfit was amazing (Jealous) but they used way too much strobe lights at the show and Amanda was having issues, had to go to the back, and missed the BlutEngel show L but she was OK after she left the area. I kept texting her to make sure she was OK. BlutEngel came on and I was amazed; I never thought I ever actually get to see them live! I was surprised I didn’t fall over in my extremely difficult boots but at least I was no longer tipsy from the drinks.
They did an amazing show and even managed to do 3 extra songs despite Chris not feeling so well but some how I think the crowd at the show was the reason he did so well not to mention I sent him some of the energy I received to make sure he would be OK. Of all the songs they did EngelsBlut was the most energizing song they did and it really got the place jumping. After the show the bathroom lines where packed so I was like I will just wait till I get home (it didn’t bother me after a while, LOL) and for some reason it took a while to find the room where the VIP meet and greet was to happen but I managed. Luckily there was a huge rest room up there that there was no line for so I finally got to go. I finally got to meet my idol Chris Pohl, spoke with him briefly, and even got a picture with him! The other 2 band members where there as well and I even got a picture with Ulrike Goldmann!
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I decided to leave right after meeting them and saying bye to Lady Azraelina because I wanted to get away from the crowds and see Amanda because I was worried about her. I got back to our room but it was almost impossible to fall asleep after such an exciting event and there was too much energy in the NYC air! I eventually dosed off but was told by Amanda I was talking in my sleep so I must have not completely tired out LOL. I was very tired packing for home and the City wasn’t as awake as yesterday but the weather wasn’t so good as well. At least the traffic leaving wasn’t nearly as bad leaving NY as it was getting there. It was a long trip home but we made great time (getting home never takes as long as getting to an event you can’t wait for of course). I was so glad to be home from the NYC chaos but sad that the event was done still and could not get to bed right away. I had to pamper the cat a bit since we were gone so long and he was crying so I gave him a can and gave him much love. It took me forever to finally get to sleep but took some valerian for my pain (leg, arm, foot) and to help me sleep so I got there all the same.
© Vampyrian Father J P Vanir
The majority of this pictures were taken by
BlutEngel Pictures:
*Bloody Pleasures:
*Love killer:
More BlutEngel:
Miss Construction Pictures:
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There is honey
In my hive
Waiting for
You to arrive
Liquid oozing
Drops of honey
Sweet and soothing
Warm and sunny
From my hive
Liquid gold
Nectar in
Every fold
Droplets forming
So mouth warming
Tiny combs
Of sugar gnomes
To be captured
With great rapture
So fulfilling
Sugar spilling
Suckle and savor
Enjoy the flavor
Your mouth, the dipper
Of my honeydripper
by Arizona Flame
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Wow. It's been ages since I last blogged.
Where I left off was a few days before my birthday.
So my sister was in the hospital for a little over a week with a staph infection and shingles in her eye. For those of you who don't know what shingles are it's an adult form of the chicken pox. So pretty much anyone who's had chicken pox before age one is more likely to have shingles. It's brought on by a lot of different things and for my sister it seemed to have been stress.
Anyways to make a long story short, I pretty much went to the DMV to renew my ID, then I went to Toys R Us with my mum, Hoopla and Chip. They got some Lego mini figures and I got two plush Scar thingies. One of them was really really tiny and the other one was a small but good sized one. Then we had to get milk and some other stuff and a shit ton of candy for my sister (which was pretty fucked up that she asked for it all on my birthday instead of the day before or the day after) and then we dropped off the perishable food and then we had lunch at the Rady's Children Hospital cafeteria. Peeked in to say hi to my sister, came back home where I spent the rest of the day watching my little brothers while mum went back to the hospital and fat ass didn't do shit to help and my brother like always wasn't home.
After that I was really depressed because I really wanted to just have the day to myself with my mom kinda like a mommy and me day but of course bad shit always has to befall me.
Then on top of that a lot of my friends forgot my birthday completely and half of them didn't even bother to wish me a happy birthday. So that made it even worse.
And after all that I've just been really really busy with school and trying not to let myself get way to depressed. Being exhausted is no fun especially when I'm pretty much on my feet for more than 5 hours 4 days out of the week. Even more so since I've never done that before.
On a side note aside from a shitty birthday, horrible hours at school and being exhausted, I've really been trying to get out of this bout of writer's block I've been having.
I don't know how to explain it but I'll get an idea for something and I'll actually start writing and then I take a break (or I start class) and later on the bus or the next day to class, while I'm waiting for class and on the bus I have no inspiration, no desire to write. And it really bugs me because later as I'm falling asleep I'll get ideas to write and by then I'm too tired or I just don't want the light of my laptop (or Ipoot) to break the darkness in my room.
Bleh.
Also nothing really out of the ordinary has happened. Well unless you count me and a friend who is currently in Hawaii both did laundry at the same time and both our clothes were still damp.
Oh yeah but my phone has been going into airplane mode all by itself and its more annoying than anything.
I guess with all the excitement of this semester has pretty much dulled my "sensitivity" to things.
Also since I found out financial aid will not be paying for summer classes I get pretty much the summer off which is what I wanted, so I'll get to spend a lot more time with Steph (after finals of course) and not deal with keeping up a farce of going to classes.
I also will need that time to get my room organized and clear it up and decided what I want (or will most likely be able to take with me) and what needs to go into storage when I leave. But that won't be til after finals as well since I have this week, next week and finals week.
Anyways I think that's it for today. I dunno when the next update will happen.
Doubt any one really cares about this shit lol.
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Now playing: Eluveitie - Brictom
posted with FoxyTunes
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Sigh; things are not looking so good anymore and I have only one good thing to look forward to in my life which is only one lousy night. Then what is there? Everything else is falling apart: The local scene has nothing concrete and my temple might I might as well just let it go but I just keep wasting my money on something only I have faith in and put all my effort in with nothing going for it. I'm sorry but today when I woke up I could only cry because I'm truly miserable and I am starting to wish I was no longer i this dead dying area - I need to find a better place for me but what chance do I have when I am stuck and my purpose is pretty much gone?
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GODS and such FEEDING ON HUMANS
Fiction often has some facts in there some where. I remember when Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a popular series. It was of course mostly fake like all fiction; however there where a few things that have truth in it. One of my favorites was the season 5 as Glory: who is a Goddess in a human body and because of this she must feed on humans brains psychically. After she does this they go crazy. I believe this to be true and luckily there most known Vampyres would never attempt this because we are not as powerful as she was or as selfish and egotistical. That however is why I do not worship any Gods or Goddesses; when you do this the energy contained in your worship and adoration feeds them. I have written about this earlier and am sure I am not the first to come to this conclusion but it amazes me that that was brought up in the show…
© Vampyrian Father JP
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My good friend Damian Nightwalker (D) inspired me by a comment he made in the VCN (which also inspired me to rejoin the community). What is the point of bitching and complaining about things? We all should use our efforts instead on making differences so I have decided to try stop complaining so much when that does not change a damn thing. I am done letting people drag me down despite my bipolar and severe depression and leaving something never solves anything really it just makes you a quitter and that is not me...
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I had an anxiety attack and almost lost my bank account a few days ago because I thought they ware taking my savings and I didn't understand why I am having such money issues. On top of that I have been so depressed because it seems as though my Temple site is dying and barely has activity anymore and I don't have any real friends (besides some online acquaintances)...
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Father or Mother: The real definition:
I have had it with the Vampire community’s use of the word Father or Mother to mean Fangsmith or dentist! I am sorry but a father - mother is a term given as respect to a person who is ordained as a Spiritual leader and/or one who has a Fatherly or Motherly mentality about them. Anyone can teach themselves to make fangs and I as well as my wife have done our own fangs when I wore them in the past (I still have the equipment). I do not consider myself a father because of that and neither does she use Mother because of that. We are both Spiritual leaders in the TempleUVUP and I have been ordained since July 4th of 2002; she also is ordained. I am a Theologian and have studied Spirituality for over a decade and performed several legal weddings in Ohio. I am sorry but I cannot refer to a fangsmith (especially one who doesn’t even have a degree for dentistry) as a Father or Mother when that term has nothing to do with Teeth or making fake fangs.
Vampyrian Father J P Vanir
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I have a few friends that know I am vampiric and often say that being unethical goes hand in hand with being a vampire. I am not unethical and nor do I think I am a vampire like most that they have met. I have always felt that being who and what I am means a higher sense of responsibility to those around me , I hate using the term more power however saying that I have more control of my mind and energy than most would be better. Part of controling the dragon within you is learning you have to teach those around you to control themselves. You have to learn you have to share who you are and what you know and then we are all the dragon who is within.
I heal those around me to feed. I can really only handle deep direct feeding from lifemates with a certain connection. My emotions and my mind feel ill otherwise. I heal those around me , I admit to having bad days where I do have to pick and send heal to feed but most days its more ambient . I heal anyone near me and receive heal back from them or feed from them feeling better and more healed. I believe we all have these abilities no matter what your chosen label may be. I encounter those who steal energy from people around them , I do not understand why you feel this is being a vampire, it is unnoble. I am out and cold . I send a healing energy to feel and absorb their happiness and put it within me and heal them in return. I warmed and had a mood change in about 10 min. Is it vampiric to steal their warmth or feed from their emotions of happiness and or heal them? I do not think stealing means you a vampire. Sitting at my computer half asleep wanting to try a new idea...or an old one... I send a request in magical thought to feel others emotions for a lite candle to run thru me. A short time later ..I send out how happy I am and ask the energy to chase and catalyst around those linked and link more. A response , that is magic not vampirism..really? In my mind my response is you need to relearn what being a vampire is and what it is not.
Does sharing mean you are metaphysical and not vampiric?
Does stealing mean you are a true vampire?
Does healing mean you are the opposite of a vampire and should
not use the lable?
..
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The idea of vampire/vampyres to me is dear to my heart, however within the scene there are those who think they are larger then life and become "to big for their cape" so to speak. To jetset across the ocean, write books and make fangs for prissy people who think they are better then you is sad. You must remember where you came from. You to once were new to the idea and scene. There are those who don't fit within your outlook on what a vampire/vampyre is to you and so you play it off by saying your looking for quality not quantity. As a collective whole there are many different types of people and different ways for doing the same thing you preach in your "Lexicon". To be looked at as a "head" of an order is a sad idea to me because i dont see how you have time to do the things you do , make your fangs, party all over the world and yet still have time to help other people new to the lifestyle. I have been in the occult and vampire/vampyre scene for years and could write a book under the name "darkShadow" and tell people how to do energy play,throw parties, and make myself look like an aristocratic debutante to however i have more respect for myself. Why do you think most of the "Good" people in the scene left, or turned their back on you ? They Know your a joke. Sad to, you have a great mind... To bad you got your head in the clouds.
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President Obama knows all too well how difficult it is to quit smoking, and today he addressed his struggle to kick the habit just before signing a law he hopes will help other people put out their cigarettes too.
"Each day, 1,000 young people under the age of 18 become new, regular, daily smokers, and almost 90 percent of all smokers began at or before their 18th birthday," Obama said today. "I know. I was one of these teenagers. And so I know how difficult it can be to break this habit when it's been with you for a long time."
The new tobacco law gives the Food and Drug Administration authority to regulate tobacco in the same way the government regulates breakfast cereals and pharmaceuticals.
"This legislation is a victory for bipartisan ship, and it was passed overwhelmingly in both houses of Congress," Obama said today. "It's a victory for health care reform, as it will reduce some of the billions we spend on tobacco-related health care costs in this country."
I despise this man more than most; at this right I don't see him lasting that long and he will be president not much longer. That will be the happiest day for me. I am so pissed Obama is trying to take all our rights away! First cigarettes, next will be alcohol then I will have no place to relax and dance! Not to mention he is trying to trying to tack away my money and put My wife and I on the streets; along with millions of others. I despise him...
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YAY I got hate mail for the new yew early this morning directed at my temple and family (lying about us)
Sunday, 1 January, 2012 9:14:54 AM
theuvupsucksballs( 1/01/12 9:13:47 AM) : hey you fag, why are you hitting on my wife. Your temple is a joke
theuvupsucksballs( 1/01/12 9:14:47 AM) : tell your ugly ass dyke wife that she's not match for me and mine
theuvupsucksballs( 1/01/12 9:14:54 AM) : you niggers are going down
Interesting; someone made a yahoo account just to do this then deleted? WTF?
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I had someone comment on a post by The Dalai lama about war and this is my answer to their post
War isn't based on hate anymore it is based on money and wanting more of everything that people can't have, the world is in debit because of it and so we have people living in poverty and dying from starvation. If you look at how the world was hundreds of years ago we had less death from poverty and less money issues and we all lived off the land working together. But now it is all about who has more or who can make more, when we all should be equal, and there would be less hate in the world if it was so.
I am a hater of War and if it was up to me I would be living where I could live in peace without others judging or wanting in life what they can't have instead they would be happy with what they all ready have
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I ponder on a thought a moment of my soul weakening
a thought that comes so eagerly in the mind of a walking babe
I have no moment of clarity or a thought that mite bring me to my self
and so my moment goes on leaving nothing in it's place
I have this felling of a black hole a peering but in the end when I thought it was to
devour me I find it was not it was just
The End
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The Buddha
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Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much
as your own unguarded thoughts.
Develop the mind of equilibrium.
You will always be getting praise and blame,
but do not let either affect the poise of the mind:
follow the calmness, the absence of pride.
Sutta Nipata
One day Ananda, who had been thinking deeply about things for a while, turned to the Buddha and exclaimed:
"Lord, I've been thinking- spiritual friendship is at least half of the spiritual life!"
The Buddha replied: "Say not so, Ananda, say not so. Spiritual friendship is the whole of the spiritual life!"
Samyutta Nikaya, Verse 2
In what is seen, there should be just the seen;
In what is heard, there should be just the heard;
In what is sensed, there should be just the sensed;
In what is thought, there should be just the thought.
He should not kill a living being, nor cause it to be killed, nor should he incite another to kill.
Do not injure any being, either strong or weak in the world.
Sutta Nipata II,14
These teachings are like a raft, to be abandoned once you have crossed the flood.
Since you should abandon even good states of mind generated by these teachings,
How much more so should you abandon bad states of mind!
Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.
The Dhammapada
In Aryans' Discipline, to build a friendship is to build wealth,
To maintain a friendship is to maintain wealth and
To end a friendship is to end wealth.
Cakkavatti Sutta, Patika Vagga, Dighanikaya
"If beings knew, as I know, the results of sharing gifts, they would not enjoy their gifts without sharing them with others, nor would the taint of stinginess obsess the heart and stay there. even if it were their last and final bit of food, they would not enjoy its use without sharing it, if there were anyone to receive it"
Itivuttaka 18
One should follow a man of wisdom who rebukes one for one's faults, as one would follow a guide to some buried treasure.
To one who follows such a wise man, it will be an advantage and not a disadvantage.
Dhammapada 76
A brahmin once asked The Blessed One:
"Are you a God?"
"No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
"Are you a saint?"
"No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
"Are you a magician?"
"No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
"What are you then?"
"I am awake."
See the truth, and you will see me.
Let your love flow outward through the universe,
To its height, its depth, its broad extent,
A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.
Then as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;
Your life will bring heaven to earth.
Sutta Nipata
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
I teach one thing and one only:
that is, suffering and the end of suffering.
Just as a mother would protect with her life her own son, her only son,
so one should cultivate an unbounded mind towards all beings, and loving-kindness towards all the world.
One should cultivate an unbounded mind, above and below and across, without obstruction, without enmity, without rivalry.
Standing, or going, or seated, or lying down, as long as one is free from drowsiness, one should practice this mindfulness.
This, they say, is the holy state here.
Sutta Nipata
What is this world condition?
Body is the world condition.
And with body and form goes feeling, perception, consciousness, and all the activities throughout the world.
The arising of form and the ceasing of form--everything that has been heard, sensed, and known, sought after and reached by the mind--all this is the embodied world, to be penetrated and realized.
Samyutta Nikaya
Make an island of yourself,
make yourself your refuge;
there is no other refuge.
Make truth your island,
make truth your refuge;
there is no other refuge.
Digha Nikaya, 16
Solitude is happiness for one who is content, who has heard the Dhamma and clearly sees.
Non-affliction is happiness in the world - harmlessness towards all living beings.
Udana 10
The fool thinks he has won a battle when he bullies with harsh speech,
but knowing how to be forbearing alone makes one victorious.
Samyutta Nikaya I, 163
Things are not what they appear to be: nor are they otherwise.
Surangama Sutra
Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Looking deeply at life as it is.
In the very here and now, the practitioner dwells in stability and freedom.
We must be diligent today.
To wait until tomorrow is too late.
Death comes unexpectedly.
How can we bargain with it?
The sage calls a person who knows how to dwell in mindfulness night and day,
'one who knows the better way to live alone.'
Bhaddekaratta Sutta
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Well heres my first blog
My journey is turning out to be easier then I expected, my research has brought me to the same conclusion though and I have to just let it be, I try to heard to be like everyone ales around me and yet I am not. I am not one to be down about my condition or even have a bad view on it but at times it is very controlling like it's trying to come out at me and eat me or take me. But I am not going to let it, I know I have my moments like everyone ales and that I am just felling the energy of the world going to hell but really do I have to keep felling the same way every time I'm trying to way things out in my head? I know I always come out in the end fine and at these moments I need my donor more often but really do I need the headaches and sensitivity to light do I? GEE!I never asked for this, if I did why would I really? I think it's just one of those days and I wished at times I would wake up and it would all be different but why do that when it's not.
I am going to let it be and by righting it here in my first blog it's going to be okay.
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I do not consider myself apart of the "Vampire" community merely in it; I am a Vampyrian! My only Community is here with my Family. Most in the Vampire community like to play human and most are not really Vampires. I am sure not all here are 100% real or Vampires but at least we don't play human and flood the posts with Drama they love to feed on...
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About Predatory Vampyrism and other occasions
I have been shot down on several occasions because of my predatory Vampyrism beliefs however if you hunt for your food you are a predator; so it is not always an evil to be a predator. Whether you kill what you hunt or just go out to gather energy it is predatory. I have also been accused of being overly egotistical as a Vampyr because of my belief that we are above humans on the food chain because we feed on them. However I do not think we are top of the food chain as there is not top of the food chain; something always feeds on something else. I know there are creatures above us especially since we are still also human higher spirits (even the pure Vampyr Spirits) could easily feed on us. At least I and most in the community DO NOT kill and completely devour or prey! We only use what we need and they usually do not not notice as I am not one to hurt anyone.
© Father JP Vanir
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Emotional Vampyres good and bad ect
Despite the popular belief in the community Emotional Vampyres as well are still Vampyres as well as those who kill for what they NEED. Emotional Vampyrism is still a form of Vampyrism as well. There are many of us who feed on depression, pain, and Anxiety which a much need form of emotional Vampyrism for many (esp those who need it and certain Other kin who have far too much) as well anger as long as we know how to convert it or let it drag us in (down). Certain emotions like anger and depression I would not recommend for everyone who is overly sensitive to such things but that is up to you...
© Founding Father J P Vanir Of TempleUVUP
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I have been inspired to write this to encourage all those who happen to read this to prey over the meals you eat as well as over your life force givers - donors for what they give to you as Blood and any essence of life is very sacred and should be respected. You should give your "donors" and all those you take from (including the food you eat) respect and adoration for the precious gift they offer to you. I always prey over the meals I eat for what I receive from it as well as the energy's and blood I receive...
© Father JP Vanir
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Interrupted Tantric Astral Feeding...
I was woke up this late morning with hard on and completely out of it for a good hour but yet my yet my energy was higher then normal. This is when you know you you have had Interrupted Tantric Astral Feeding and it sucks to have that Interrupted LOL. This is the second time this month this has happened but at least I felt the good feeding after so maybe it is not such a bad thing?
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Naturally Spiritual Creatures
My personal belief is that Vampyres are naturally Spiritual creatures as we feed on Energy and the ambient left over life force or Spirit...
© Father JP Vanir
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Interesting question for the day or actually next day (Sunday)
If our nation is supposed to have gone through separation of church and state then why do we still celibate Sunday as the day of rest when all the Government offices are closed (including the post office). I do believe some Government offices are open or workers sometimes work on Saturday but NOT on god forbid Sunday? Whats up with that?
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Drama book (Facebook) is taking over the world
As most know I am pretty anti-Facebook and I only have an account there to keep up with the world and its demands. However to me Facebook should be renamed DRAMA BOOK (as I have deemed it) as that all I seem to find there; along with fighting, bickering, name calling, fighting, and bashing ect (not to mention a large number of pedophiles). I honestly do not understand why it is so popular? I guess because it is simple (except on editing your privacy settings and such; as it is not safe or private at all) and user friendly maybe? The biggest thing I hate is they FORCE you to use your real birth name though some have fooled them they wont let me get away with it; now my family will find every thing about me I wanted to keep from them; luckily only my brother has found me so far but thats bad enough.
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What is Spiritual Energy Dancing?
I now Consider myself a Spiritual Energy Dancer which means I feed on the energies around me best while dancing. Dancing to me is when I am at my most spiritual state and it is easiest for the energies to come to me. Even listening to music adds in this as well. I now understand that every one of us has our own unique way or method of feeding; this may be why there are so many ways and methods of feeding.
© Father JP Vanir
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Pathetic so called community (personal rant)
I am rather pissed at the so called "Vampire" community. I have tried to find my true path since puberty through several "communities" be it Christian, Goth, Pagan, raver, Satanism, Vampire what have you and they are full of hypocrites and bull shit! I suppose it is like that everywhere. So I now have decided to say to hell with the labels and be your own community of ONE.
This has been the past months from hell! We had a serious stupid issue in chat that was not because of me directed towards me but of course it is my fault she was suspended then decided to leave and that was just an small start of hell month for me. I am not going to deny the mistakes I have made in the past but to bring it up many years later (5-6 then one small one months ago witch I am fixing as well as apologized for), claim me Sin Nomine (only 5 houses or maybe 20 according to Zaar out of 250 known houses/ temples/ covens) not to mention outcast me public ally in the Vampire community news. This issue has cause chaos all over and the stress had me insane smoking 2 - 3 cloves in one day as apposed to one in one or sometimes two days. Not to mention they just so happen to proclaim a vampire justice system in dumbass wraiths blood bank witch I was baned from for no reason the second I joined it as well as the Vampire Information Exchange on drama book because of the Sin Nomine.
Then to top it off I have been stabbed in the back repeatedly by so called friends! I tried to come back to the community after the crap started months ago because I really want to believe this is the community for me as I thought Vampires where my kin but I guess its like they say you can't pick you blood/kin but you can pick your true friends and family! Still I often seem to make mistakes there choosing my associates, those I try to help, my friends, and who I trust just to get stabbed in the back and brought down with them or because of them - what they do. I AM VAMPYRIAN and that is it and will no longer claim this so called "Vampire" community as my community! I will try to help who I can but try to keep a wall up as to not get hurt again. The ONLY family have is my offline blood/family, the few friends who have shown me they deserve my trust as well as those who have been true friends to me, and my Vampyrian TempleUVUP family. That is all...
I have been being good for quite some time and hopefully eventually I will be forgiven by those involved though I am not even sure who they all are. I have not posted anything with my signature so people think I was trying to steal it or in years or have forgotten to post a link or author in that except one thing many months ago but I am again truly sorry. This hurts me to swallow my pride but I know it is something I need to do though as a leo I am too afraid to admit my wrongs. I would like to be forgiven eventually from the general community BUT as for RK Coon I have no respect for him and really could care less as well as wraiths although I do have a bit more respect for him for what he has done even though as of lately I have a HUGE issue with him so I could care less...
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"Emotions = Weakness BUT I want everyone to LOVE ME."
© Father JP Vanir
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All my Blogs old and new on myspace (original blog site)
http://www.myspace.com/chrstvampyre/blog
May 9, 2006
Current mood: contemplative
The many lives Ive seen...
The many Lives I have lived...
I tire of them all, I tire of existing...
Forever and ever again...
Dead souls everywhere...
But not mine For My Soul will never die...
Just to rest, just to sleep eternally...
For be done with all this pain...
All this suffering, lost loves, and misery...
How could anyone want this, to never rest?
how could anyone want this,
Bleeding the world dry?
Call me Vampyre, Call me Devil, or Demon...
Neverending Darkness is always best...
But it has a price of solitude and lonlelness inside...
And neverending death and rest...
Undead Souls will always come back for more...
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Humans and all life forms are parasitic by nature.
Humans and all life forms are parasitic by nature.
As babies we take food, life, and our mother’s energy to live. When we all first start out this is how are life begins and even after that we all most kill something to live be it plant or animal but yet we as Vampires are called the parasites and leaches? Gives you something to think about?
© Founding Father J P Vanir
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The Vampyr (otherkin) condition and why they think we are schizophrenic?
I have been doing a lot of thinking about Human Vampyrism and my beliefs about what we are (as usual). Since we are a form of OtherKin as well as Human It makes since to why many psychologists want to label us as schizophrenic as well as bipolar because of mood changes due to feeding too much or not enough. I am by no means saying ALL Vampyres are mentally insane or anything it just shows me how they can assume these things because of our condition. Just a thought I had today, perhaps more to come…
© Founding Father J P Vanir
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Lies about ME, GO FIGURE
Politics, Drama & Vampires Oh My!
by Skylar Cole on Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 11:50am
Lately there have been a lot of things going on in the online vampire community. From someone writing articles under a false name to others spreading spam and fake organizations. I say enough. Why must this go on? I'm relatively new, been around and quiet for several years. I don't claim to be anyone special or fantastic, but I have a right to have my opinions heard.
I first came into the community through a "House in Virginia. This house shall remain nameless throughout this entire editorial. I was invited to Virginia to live. Being a young fool I did so and lived there for several months. While there I read the books of the Strigoi Vii Outer Traditions. Liber Jahira, Bellah, and Calmae. I thought, WOW this is for me. Boy was I wrong. I am legally blind, I say this because it plays a part in my story. I get SSI because I cannot legally work. So what?? So one month my payment was late. I had a gun put to my head because this so called "Lord" and "Keeper of the Veil" was pissed. So I left and made my way to Ohio.
While I was living in VA I ran into a temple located in ohio and was invited up to live with them. This time i did some investigation and found it was safe and sane ^.^ I came to OH and the first day here the"founder" of this temple left me stranded at the bus station. He made excuses and lied. My new best friends and mentors, who shall also remain nameless picked me up and brought me home after staying at the station for a night. So now, two years down the road, we are no long affiliated with this "temple." I wanted to state that for sure because there are allogations going around of myself being a backstabbing lier.
I try to keep my hands free of drama and politics, but this has gone on too long and someone needs to stop it. Drama with a fake charactor shouldn't be permitted among individuals who are trying to better themselves and have intellectual debates and discussions.
***MY SIDE:
Actually it was me who was going to pick him up and Samilyn stated "We should let him deal, its his fault for not calling ahead and making arrangements first" and wanted to leave him stranded. I liked Skylor a lot but Samilyn is a manipulator and took most of my friends away from me. I would like to be his friend but she has a way of controlling people I don't know why they believe her but they do? She almost took my Temple down, she did steal the temple property (land/house) away, and wanted to take the temple from me. Thankfully things are back on track. I have worked my but off for this temple and those in the community as it is all I have after my wife and child. I am a protector and try to be a peace keeper but helping people just seems to hurt me in the end. I guess I will never learn but it is apart of who and what I am. You are free to make your own choices obviously and I respect every one for that no matter what. You wont be the first friend I have lost and Im sure not that last as many hate me because of my spirituality.
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I am stuck in remembrance of the past when I had friends feeling alive and free…
I have always been myself and could never be ashamed to be just me…
No one seems to understand us nor just myself truly…
In a world of sheep the goats are never truly excepted nor free…
It’s a lonely world for the Phreaks like me…
But yet even among the Phreaks I feel so lonely?
Even among my own kind there is nothing for me down here…
Forever hungry it seems -
Forever never satisfied -
Never able to relax forever I fear?
Are we truly emotionally wreaked only to hurt in the end?
I try so hard to escape or mend
I know emotions are only weakness
But one good friend is all I ask in this mess
Someone who actually stays
Anyways
But that is selfish I guess
And why would I dare condemn others to my own mess
I have nothing but pain and I can only take as that is what I am
PAIN – HURT – SUFFERING For the true Lonely Phreaks
We are not meant to be here and there is nothing for us here
One day we may return to where everything is clear (I hope soon)…
© Father JP Vanir
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