I ponder on a thought a moment of my soul weakening

a thought that comes so eagerly in the mind of a walking babe 

I have no moment of clarity or a thought that mite bring me to my self

and so my moment goes on leaving nothing in it's place 

I have this felling of a black hole a peering but in the end when I thought it was to 

devour me I find it was not it was just

The End 

THE SACRED VOWELS ( PINEAL GLAND )

Well heres my first blog 

My journey is turning out to be easier then I expected, my research has brought me to the same conclusion though and I have to just let it be, I try to heard to be like everyone ales around me and yet I am not. I am not one to be down about my condition or even have a bad view on it but at times it is very controlling like it's trying to come out at me and eat me or take me. But I am not going to let it, I know I have my moments like everyone ales and that I am just felling the energy of the world going to hell but really do I have to keep felling the same way every time I'm trying to way things out in my head? I know I always come out in the end fine and at these moments I need my donor more often but really do I need the headaches and sensitivity to light do I? GEE!I never asked for this, if I did why would I really? I think it's just one of those days and I wished at times I would wake up and it would all be different but why do that when it's not.

I am going to let it be and by righting it here in my first blog it's going to be okay.    

I will be getting a new laptop. Owner decided that with as much stuff as I do (ie: Writing, listening to music, surfing the web, drawing on sai or iscribble) that it would better just get me a smaller sized laptop and not a net book. 

The one he plans on getting me is the Sony Viao from Walmart. Its 14" screen, 4 usb ports, webcam, and a lot more memory, ram and processing speed and comes with windows 7 home premium. 

Only thing is that I have to wait for him to save up enough money to get it. Which is no problem as long as it's before January when I'm really really going to need it for an online class.

Anyways. I'm not dead yet despite my lack of activity. I've just been really busy with stuff around the house and school like usual.

I've also been trying to draw and write as much as I can (hopefully will have sketchdumps to post to dA once I'm all set up with my comp and scanner).

I had to give my dog back to my sister because apparently I didn't take enough care of him so now I'm stuck with just having NIbbles. I might get another hamster (of course in a different cage since I want to get a pair of female teddies) since they're really easy for me to take care of and I can keep them in my room.

I guess that's about it. I'll try and post more updates when I can.

                                        Meditation for healing and everyday life.

                                              6bab6alon6

To begin with, get into a pose that you are comfortable with getting into, such as,
The lotus, laying down, sitting up, standing up, one that you usually use to meditate.
Inhale through your nose and exhale slowly out of your mouth, intense and long breaths.
Clear your mind of your current situation, and make it like a blank screen.
Now as you are doing your meditational breathing (intense and long breaths), visualize yourself facing the calm wave racing ocean, you hear the waves coming in and going back out into the ocean, it sounds so calming, the mist from the waves hit your face, as You look down and you see the sand as pure as you can imagine, you have never seen such a sight with no other people around you.  You  look up into the sky, you see the sky is indigo  and as the clouds go by you see they are the color of light blue with pink outlining. The birds above are chirping but they do not sound like birds, they have the sound of wind chimes, one bird comes flying around and sounds of shell chimes, another one comes flying right above you and sounds of metal chimes, you hear in the distance the sounds of a flock of birds that sound like wooden chimes. Enjoy the view around  in 360 degrees before proceeding on to the next stage.

Now as you look upon the reflection from the sun onto the ocean, you notice the color of the ocean is the color of the rainbow, the waves hit your feet as you step back a bit to enjoy the view. You see in the distance there is a very large shell about 10 feet away from you, as you walk up to it you see that not only is it huge, but, you climb upon it and sit down for a while.  The mist from the ocean feels so good on your face as you are sitting on this shell, you can feel all of the negativity that you were feeling before being cleansed and washed away into the ocean. The stress and tension  start fading away as you sit on the shell. You see in the distance that there are mountains,  they are the Himalayan mountains, the clouds around the top are the color of light blue. You notice about 25 feet away from you there is some huge creature flying down to land on the beach, the wingspan, is at least 30 feet per wing. Feeling no bad intentions you start walking towards this creature, as you get closer you see that it is a black dragon with a red scale on its stomach.  This dragon wants you to climb onto it and as you get upon the back of the dragon, he starts flying up towards the mountain.  He tells you to get off at the edge where there is a cave, as you go inside of this cave, you notice there is a fire that has been built, the fire is blue and as you look over a bit more, you see one of your totem animals sitting there nearby the fire in human form. As you go to sit down you have the feeling that your totem animal wants to have a long talk with you, sitting down, you start communicating with this totem animal of yours.

                     very long pause before continuing on to the next stage………


As you start wrapping up your talk with your totem animal, you see that the dragon is outside the cave entrance.  As you say your goodbyes to the totem animal, you go outside the cave and get onto the back of the dragon.  As you two head for the top, you look out onto the ocean, you see  some killer whales in the distance, and some dolphins are jumping out of the water left and right. The dragon stops at the top of the mountains and lets you off. As you  get off of the dragon, you sit on the cold, pure, white snow, it feels cold, but not freezing, it is very soothing.  As you start doing your meditational breathing (intense and long breaths), visualize yourself in a forest, you see all kinds of trees, from redwood trees to cedar trees, every kind that could have ever existed. You see in the distance there is a creek.. You see there are deer and some squirrels drinking the water from this creek, they are so cute, you start to walk up to them and them do not seem to be bothered by your presence .
You kneel down to take some of the water and you splash some onto your face, oh wow it feels so great,  as you take your shoes and socks off you sit at the creek and put your feet in the water, you feel the water flowing throughout all of your toes cleansing your feet of any lingering negativity that may have been left behind. This leaves you feeling
The sense of  being pure again, you feel relaxed, the tension is gone, all of what you were going through out the day just seems to have faded  away and turned into yesterdays  negative ashes, as you look at your feet you see the ashes, as you walk towards the ocean you notice instead of walking on the ashes you seem to be floating above the ashes by a few inches. As you step onto the sand  you see that all of your problems and worries built up and made a huge sand castle.  You see in the distance there is a whale that is a bit close to the shore, but as you see this whale turns around and swims outward back into the deep ocean, causing a lot of huge waves, as you step back a bit you notice these waves are knocking down the sand castle that was built, each wave  dissolves  more and more of this sand castle until you no longer see that there was one in the first place. You walk towards the ocean as the waves are dissipating, and dive in clothes and all, the ocean feels so cleansing that you swim around for a while, as time passes you step out of the ocean and see there is a beach towel laying there waiting for you to lay upon to dry off and feel the cool breeze as the sun is about to set. Looking at the sunset you see that it is the color of the ocean, a rainbow of colors, it look as though the ocean goes on forever infinity. As you start coming to from the meditation, you notice that you are feeling renewed in every way,  enjoy your day as it flows like the oceans of the universe.  
 

~Awaitingly~

I'm looking toward the sky,

wandering if you see what I see.

A vast empty night because your not here beside me.

I Summon Thee my Incubus twin flame,

Hear the beat of my heavy heart.

Come to me my Incubus,

Look into my eyes.

See me my Incubus,

See my lonely soul that lies deep within.

I've fallen into your eyes,

Your soul holds me captive again.

I have waited for you,

Longing for you to notice me.

Allow me to place my arms around you,

As I kiss your lips with all my love.

Hoping you return my kiss willingly

Protecting me from being alone.

Your admirer from a distance

That's what I am

I wait for you,

as vulnerable as a lamb.

I long for your passion,

Wrap me in it's sweet hold.

Your arms, they will melt away this lonely cold.

In every poem I've ever written,

I'm always thinking you my love.

And hoping that you are happy,

Even though you are distance from me.

So much love I have to offer you,

You have only but to ask to feel it too.

Please come back to me, the one I once knew,

My Incubus, My dark, sweet one,

Please rescue me soon.

Angie AKA Mydarkest1

(My Invisible One)

I can hear you whisper to me,

My name you say so sweetly.

I cannot see you,

But I know what you look like.

For in my mind,

I've looked into your intoxicating vampyric blue eyes.

Your hair so long flows wing like in the wind,

It surrounds me, covers me pulling me in.

I've felt your presence while in an astral state.

I lay there and let you hold my hand,

Then I ran my fingers through your hair.

Although I saw you not,

Invisible you lay beside me.

I felt it so real,

This is no mere dream I see.

You are haunting me.

I fear you,

Yet I love you,

For your soul is dark like mine.

I feel as if I have been awaiting you all this time.

Sleeping I've been,

Lost within,

So deep down,

Thought I'd never be found.

I summon thee!

Hear me!

I call out to you!

Find me

I'm sleeping

Still sleeping

Awaken me

Set me free

I wish to become one

In mind ,body,and soul,

I give my heart fully

To my dark one's own heart who waits

For only you

I truly can trust and know

Come to me

I am no longer afraid

Wake my soul

Let me look upon your face

I'm listening so hard

I hear you though faintly in the midst,

Awaitingly I lay ever so still

To hear the words

I will love you and you only all eternity forever

For what good are words that are left unspoken

Yet screaming inside

Never to be heard

My invisible one

When darkness comes

I no longer feel weak.

Take me to where you belong

My heart and soul shall you keep.

Angie AKA Mydarkest1